Feels Like The First Time

When people talk or write about a newly rediscovered hobby or passion, they use the phrase "feels like the first time", and in referring to sex, that's strange to me. I don't remember a first time for sexual contact, but only a first time with partners as I grew older. So for me to say that that first night I spent with Belle "felt like the first time" would be an injustice. It felt like the only time.

My mind racing, I arrive at the hotel at 8 pm. I know she won't be there until at least 10:30, so I had a few hours to kill. I checked the place out. I had brought wine, she had brought beer - a six-pack of Corona (my favorite); a good sign to be sure. I'd already had a few beers, so I didn't want to risk having any more and going down that slippery slope of being drunk when she arrived, so I decided to smoke a little weed instead. So outside I went, feeling the warm late-spring air and peacefully inhaling my preferred drug of choice, feeling it calming me and stilling my racing mind. Back inside I go and start some music on my phone, adding and removing songs from my "Fucktunes©" playlist, intent on setting a fun, playful mood if things didn't go well so we could laugh it off (hopefully). I knew that we'd both texted briefly about there being no pressure, just a night to get together, smoke and drink a little, and see where things ended up.

She texted me around 10 to say she was on her way and to meet her in the parking lot to help bring up some stuff. I met her there and pulled her into my arms after no more than a  cursory "Hi" for that first kiss.

I love getting lost in a kiss. The earliest kiss I remember is actually getting kissed by my older sister very innocently for some reason or other- a holiday peck, perhaps? And her saying "Ewww, You give very wet kisses" How was I to know? I don't think I kissed much after that until almost the end of high school, when I began to find that the kiss did more to turn me on than the actual sex did. Morality means no sex growing up as a teenager, and rough sex would lead to ostracization or jail if things went wrong. However, kissing is acceptable and even encouraged among your peers. Having already done the intercourse act long before my teens, it was the forbidden act of kissing that I took extreme pleasure in. I always loved the scene in The Princess Bride where they mention the ultimate kiss: to quote the narrator, "Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind."

Kissing is one of the most intense acts of coupling for me because it involves all 5 or the senses, each combination unique. I remember planning to give her a quick peck on the lips; a "Hey, how ya doin'?" kind of kiss, and then feeling sledgehammered by my senses: smoky cinnamon taste, soft firm inviting lips, scent of fragrant perfume that has been driving me wild for years, beautiful blue/green eyes with long red black tresses, soft throaty moaning as the kiss deepens and expands, feeling her mouth open to me, her tongue reaching out to meet mine and going beyond it. Then I was lost in it and I am exploring her universe, lost among the stars and black holes into cosmic nothingness. When the kiss is perfect, that's how it feels for me. I lose myself in time and space. And this kiss was exquisite.